Interesting - the story of getting little or nothing in return for efforts in others' behalf is a common one, but you mention "laughs and lies." Feel free to ignore my nosiness, but I'd like to hear more about those laughs and lies.

Do the people around you know you're hurting? Do your efforts for them mask your need?

Jay, when people really piss me off, and make me feel like crap, this is what I have learned to do. I figured this out when my fiance left me about 12 years ago.

Get up, brush teeth, take shower, dress in clean clothes anyway. It takes a monumental effort. Sometimes I have had to pretend I was happy Amazon instead of severely depressed Amazon. I kept on living. That way, I didn't let the people who hurt me win. I won, because I kept on living.

It doesn't always work so well. But it helps for me. I also recommend therapy, because it really does help you through traumas.

I know the feeling of feeling dead. You need to shower, brush your teeth and get out of the house daily. Hopefully, you sre seeing a therapist and on an antidepressant. Don't give up on necessary daily functions.