I'm begining to fall once again with my state of mind. I've been so conscious to keep myself strong and healthy, but can't seem to get a grip on my lfie.
Yes, I have been self-harming through cutting and using sharp objects. At school I can't even stay in my classes all day, I'm beginning to have to get up and go for walks to calm down.
I've been feeling really bad inside all over again, but am trying to grip onto what is left for me. I've been trying to avoid hospitalizations just about daily. I can't really associate with my family or be with anyone. I've been feelining alone and just not here in reality again.
I've tried and am still trying to use positive coping skills to the best of my abilities, but just am falling again. I don't understand myself or really anyting in life.
I keep questioning what is the true meaning of my life as well as what is the point of the existance of human beings. I can't keep going on like this, but am stuck in this insane world. I need so much help and guidance, but my mother does not know how to handle anything, leading me to the point of not really talking openly about my problems right now.
My physical disablilities are really causing me to feel even worse about myself than my every day typical feeling. I'm always questioning whether or not I will ever be ok to do what every normal living being out there can do. It makes me so mad.
My anger and frustration have hit a breaking point to just crying and being lost and stuck in my life now. I wish things were different and I could be like any other typical adolescent. I want help, but can't recieve enough of it. I feel that I can't talk to anyone about so many of my feelings, leading to the feeling of hopelssness as well as trapped. This makes me return back to the feelings and urges of suicide and running away from everything, but the main factor being my problems in life I am trying to face now.
~dance59326