I feel so alone yet so many within me always there, always doing, and I always have to take the responsibility for what they do. I don't want to. They are not me,they are themselves and they do things that I do not even know they are doing--yet I have to be responsible. Why?????

I do not understand. I see them. They stand away from me. I feel the pressure they put upon my eyes to see out and when they want to see what is happening or when we are in our t's office--yet, it is me that has to be the one that answers for what is done.

I know why I created them and how they came to be. They came to be so I could survive. But now I know they are not here for survival or are they?? I still need them. I do not even know them, and they are who I made them. I cry out for the pain to stop--for the time of long ago to somehow explain itself. For somehow the frames that come and go in my mind where I seem to breath one moment and stop the next to explain themselves to me.

I ask questions but somehow no one seems to want to answer at times and at others there seems to be so much chatter that my head feels as though it will expload at any given moment. So many with so much to do and me trying to put it all together to make the pieces fit into one. And fears fall as I fear I will fail someone or even more fail myself. For who am I--who belongs to this body of many?

My mind is swimming in questions and confusion, Why? Are there any answers? Will I ever find a way to put this puzzle together that never had a chance to be whole? I am scared and to admit that is hard. For I have been hiding feelings hoping they would just go away. But they are just getting stronger, voices getting louder--wanting to be heard--wondering who will listen--who will care--, and then there is just me--who is afraid that I will be forgotten somewhere in it all.

I guess I wrote all of this just to say I am scared and am here. Wondering if there is anyone out there that has any of these feelings. I did not mean to make this so long, I guess my emotions got away with me and I am sorry. I hope this makes sense for the tears falling while I was typing this.

dps