CQ,
Hi, I am sorry to hear about your mom, but I am glad that you are trying to make peace with her, that is so important at a time like this, for both of you. With much hope your mom will see that you really do love her regardless of the past, and yes that is how it should stay "the past". She should understand that you forgive her for whatever wrong doings there was, and she needs to do the same. If her end comes you both need to depart in peace. My father is in his last stages of emphysema and his health is getting worse, I told my psychiatrist that I started to get stressed again over this cause I fear losing him and I do not know how I'll be able to handle it even though this is part of life, I am still upset, especially when dad reminds us how it won't be long. This sucks doesn't it? One thing that gives me consolation is that we have a good relationship even if he always called me a "moron", ha!ha! When he came home from the hospital after an emergency brain injury I left him with a little letter telling him that now that I am a parent I can truly appreciate how he made sacrifices, and worked hard daily in a sweatshop just to take care of mom and us 3 kids, today I can't picture people of my generation making as many sacrifices. I also told him that I forgave him for some of the mean things he has said to me and all the brutal beatings as a kid. He was so happy that it was like "medicine" for him, and I begged him not to give up the family and grandkids need him to be here cause he really was in a bad depression after having several prostate surgeries too. He had wasted away to 120lbs and being 6ft is bad he look like something from a concentration camp. Now he has gained a lot of weight over the past 4yrs. But he is now feeling bad with his deteriorating health. You and I have to just try to keep our chins up the best we can dear. Continue to keep peace with mom. You both are in my thoughts.
XXOO
"darkeyes"