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Jun 09, 2009, 07:10 AM
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So, I get a phone call asking if I would be available to go with my sister-in-law when she has surgery, then drive her home. 
She would do it for me so I said yes. Part of me is already nervous.
They say things happen for a reason, maybe this is part of my learning experience. To try and stay an adult and not get zapped back to being a scared fourteen year old watching my brother die. (He was DOA but they revived him -- he got to live another 20 years before he OD'ed for the final time at 38. I might've said this about 500 times already so just ignore it.).
I'd like to think I am in a much better place this time around should anything happen. And I really think I am, but with the recent death of my mom and that whole lung cancer, suffocating- to-death-thing she went through, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.
Argh. I feel like such a wimp. Being afraid to drive someone home from the hospital is ridiculous! And even though I "know" what some of my triggers are and why, it doesn't help me stop them. I just "go there" on automatic pilot in a blink of an eye. PTSD -- gotta love it.
I'm good "in the moment" that these things are happening because it's just what I did as a kid, took charge and kept people alive. It's the fall out afterwards that knocks me on my butt. 
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