((Pegs)))) sorry that you are struggling now and suffering through this... i have wanted to reply several times to this but something was making me wait and my internet connection is not so great these days lol..

for me, i have learned to process my grief by remembering the good of those who have passed... it is in thier passing that we search for meaning of life.. i have learned to focus more on the persons contributions in life.. how they spoke to me or others, ways that they were a helping hand to those around them while they were here and to honor those virtues after they have gone by picking up the movements or motions they helped us all with... in that way thier spirit has not passed, only thier physical life..

i know that doesnt ease the loss much but it gives me a purpose to carry forward in my own life.. i hope you feeling strengthened by the many great replies here