The discussion Rainbow and I were having today in our new social group got me thinking a bit more on this.

I think that maybe in the past, I'd always attached in an anxious and somewhat insecure way. I believe now that the attachment I have had with my T might have moved me more into the secure type of bond. I was wondering to myself just what made the difference. And the answer would be faith. One of the biggest reasons why I've always held onto relationships for dear life was a fear of of forgetting and of losing the connection. I've been out of therapy for 6 months tomorrow and I haven't seen T since then. I believe in this connection. I don't need to look in T's eyes to know it exists. I don't need to sit in the room with him to know that he still smiles and he still laughs. I don't need to hear his voice to know what advice he'd offer. I don't need concrete proof because I feel it inside me. There is no more panic or fear that it will be lost forever. That attachment is part of me now. I have faith in it. And every time I believe in it and listen to my therapist's voice by living my life to the fullest, I will embrace that connection. It feels secure and safe. It feels forever.