everyone, thank you SO much.
last night was just... urgh.
id laid down (sp?) and i just couldnt think about anything other than well what is the point in ANYTHING?
eventually i spoke to my boyfriend about it - i know, it sounds selfish and stupid and mad but i just needed to hear someone elses voice and find a reason to keep going.
so we talked for a full hour and tbh it was a great distraction.... and the advice ive got here helps so much! its like... when you only think its going to be like this forever life does seem like utter crud... but then when you can hope that it gets better its really a good reason. just going through it because you dont want to hurt the people around you isnt really a good enough reason.
take one day as it comes. focus on the good. look forward to things. im gonna dye my hair this weekend, as airheaded as it sounds a change always makes me feel a little less stuck (Y).
im going to talk to my gp about antidepressants. they werent reccommended at first because im still only 15, but after 6 months of treatment its not getting any better so the options basically there now.
i just want to be... alive again.
knowing people have gotten through it helps a lot.
& i hope all of your depressive episodes or w.e theyre called get better soon :]
one day at a time.
x