As I guessed, I overworked myself in he gym and tody I am aching like crazy. I feel proud of it though... The aching, to me, is a good thing. It means I worked hard and have started burning off all the fat I keep putting on no matter how little I eat..
I had counselling today. It was good. Counsellor was disappointed when she read my food diary and said either I stop writing the food diary and just work on stuff in counselling, or go to my GP, carry on with the food diary and take it with me to show him how little I've been eating and get blood tests and other tests to see what effect it's having on my body. Counsellor said she was worried about how little I'm eating and what effect it's having on mybody and she wants me to eat more and concentrate on lookign after me for once, not everybody else. It was good, but now I'm scared... She said if I lose anymore weight right in front of her (if that makes sense!!!) then she'll take matters into her own hands and SWEDA will contact my GP
I'm scared... I tried to sleep last night, but failed. I played on sing star with 2 friends and I'm at the top of the leader board doing queen songs!! But now have a sore throat :-/ It was good fn and the gym session, alongside the singign was tiring, but I still just couldn't sleep til 3am. I had to drag my butt out of bed at 6am to have a shower ready for counselling today...
I don't want my GP to find out about how bad my eating is at the moment. She'll make me go every week for check ups and weigh-ins and Connor will be checking up on me every five seconds. Grrrrr. I don't want all this fuss!! I even told my counsellor that I honestly don't care if my potassium/sugar/whatever levels drop to dangerous levels. I really don't. As long as I have control over something in my life, especially my weight, I'm happy, I'm fine. It won't kill me. I'm that scared taht now, I'm going to start wearing big, heavy jumpers to my counselling sessions so that she can't notice... Maybe she'll notice it on my face, but that doesn't matter, it doesn't mean much... I'm due to go in the gym again on Friday, but it depends how weak I feel. I want to push myself to do it, but I know everyone will go mad if I'm weak.
I dno't know. I just feel like I'm not worth caring about, like I just cause so uch trouble to everyone and what's the point in them trying to help me when i throw it back in their faces like this?