As long as I have control over something in my life, especially my weight, I'm happy, I'm fine.

Bingo, this is why you do it.........
How about realizing that you have control over your life already. Look what you have accomplished and what you accomplish every day! Your mind just keeps telling you that you don't have control because that little girl is still in there remembering everything. Work on her, helping her express herself so that she can grow up be with big Kristin who is in control.

It won't kill me.

Oh yes it can........

I dno't know. I just feel like I'm not worth caring about, like I just cause so uch trouble to everyone and what's the point in them trying to help me when i throw it back in their faces like this?

I will never give up on you!