I haven't even started writing the letter and I need to get it done because I'm driving myself insane over it. I hardly even knwo what to write...
I just had an india head massage, neck, back and shoulder massage and reflexology. It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!
I thought I'd do it because I've felt so crappy today and it was free, so yeah. It was good and I almost fell asleep!
The guy (a friend) who was doing the massage asked if I'd eaten anything today... He knows nothing of my ED still being bad... How on EARTH did he come up with taht question? Did it show in the way I was talking? The way my muscles were? How I looked? See. I got all panicky. He noticed that too. When I said no, he gasped in a jokey manner, so I laughed and said "shhhh!" Heh.
How can I help the little girl to express herself when she's so scared? Everytime I walk into that room with Sian, the little girl comes out to play and she's all happy and smiley, like nothing's wrong... I want to change that, really I do... We're going to do some work based around my Adoptive Father. Iasked Sian if we could work on this and explained that I wanted to work on it because I know that my Adoptive Father and I are so alike in teh way that he's always been passive and still is and so have I, but I'm learning to be less passive and such. Also with the way that The Adoptive Mother always beats down on him, insults him, tells him he's doing everything wrong and never does anything for her. He does
everything for her.
How can it kill me...? I'm fine, I'm still walking, able to lift weights, able to run, able to talk and rush around doing things. My brain may not be 100%, hence any spelling mistakes... It's not engaging with my hands and such properly, but hey.. That'll pass... I normally does...
So many people say they won't give up on me, taht they'll always be there for me no matter what, then the next thing I know they're slagging me off behind my back, and they give up on me... It's not that I don't have faith in you, or what you say, Sannah... It's just teh whole trust thing and I don't believe I'm worth being cared about..
I'm sorry. I feel so bad at the moment
