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Jun 10, 2009, 05:34 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
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Oh man, Fooze, you are really spinning my head now. Just coping with paranoid thinking is all I can handle. Truly. My delusional thinking spreads to everyone... EVERYONE. People I don't even know! Medicine is what helps it. Therapy, this time, is the first time I'm sanely talking about the delusions.
First time I talked about them I was raving so I just kept getting thrown on the psych ward of some hell hole. So I learned to keep my mouth shut. Then after ANOTHER suicide attempt, I was forced on the Zoloft. That kept me good for over 13 years.
Then new stressors, and too many of them all at one time, came up in my life and the delusional thinking came back strong again. Zoloft, Abilify and Trazodone are working well on it.
And I'm trying to talk about it with my therapist. It's very difficult. I feel foolish, crazy, embarrassed and sometimes angry. Angry when I start believing the delusions, inspite of my meds and best efforts, and that's when I go off raving because I'm sure everyone around me is doing things on purpose, or punishing me for something and I don't know why, or just plain being mean and hurtful.
There's no *hinge on whom the delusion hangs.* There's just me either being able to ignore it, or not. It's really that simple. Simple but very painful to live with.
I do have the humor to appreciate your tag line there - Don't believe everything you think. It hurts when I laugh though.
I'm in the linear mode for this thread - finally saw that, DUH! - and see why different people see different reply boxes, it depends on the mode of thread you are in.
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