oh goodness, SAWE, i am positively radiating delight and warmth at what you just shared. that's so special, and i'm getting a bit teary from how happy and proud i am for you. well done!!! it's *you* who's done all the hard work, put in all the effort, to get where you did. i'm really, really happy for you .

and yes, you are right - i think vulnerability is a part of trust. i think, for me, the issue might be that now that i trust pdoc, i'm also starting to want him to fix *everything*, even the bits i used to fix by myself. or... i don't know. it just feels disturbing to me that i want to call him up between sessions to reassure myself things are ok (i see him weekly). when i first started with him, i'd see him maybe every 2-3 months, and i would take care of myself in the meantime. so it's a bit like - where did that independent deli go? the one who could pull herself up, brush herself off, and soldier on. because now when similar events happen, instead of relying on myself, the first thing i do is reach out to pdoc. i'm quite confused right now if that's a good thing or not.

but - thank you darling girl for your post. you are right - making decisions from a place of hurt isn't likely to result in wise decisions. i'm feeling a lot more calm now, and i think i will poke my head into the therapy room tomorrow (body might be planted firmly in the hallway, in case i need to make a quick escape!).

i'm really touched that you would share your insight and that you remembered me to want to direct a bit of gentle guidance my way. i hope other ppl who are similarly stuck with this weird trust/vulnerability push-pull thing can gain strength from your post also.

more than anything, though, i'm so proud of your achievement. i'm actually a bit surprised at how warm with pleasure i feel inside (it's a aussie winter here... not so cold as you guys would get, i'm guessing, but far too cold for a sun-loving deli). i'm definitely stealing (no questions here ) both you and P7's blanket to take with me to T tomorrow. i might be induced to go fully into the room if there is a heater there.