(((((hanginon)))))

i'm proud of you for writing that email!! you gave a factual description of her behaviour (she's cancelled more than 8 times), and then what that makes you think and feel. i agree that being cancelled/rescheduled so often is disruptive and hurtful.

my pdoc has maybe cancelled about 2-3 times in the four years i've seen him, but each time it kind of sucked. it's that anticipation thing you mentioned at the beginning of your letter - building up to talk. i dont know if i could cope if it was something he did on a regular basis.

i hope your T can take steps to rectify this with you. as you said, you were willing to trust her - there was something there that made you want to take a risk with this person. also, as you said, she might not have realised how frequently this was happening. you're a generous person to think of that. and it could well be true - i remember calling my old T out on something he kept saying to me that was hurtful, and he said "oh, i've only said that once and that was said to help you" and i was able to tell him of other occassions when he'd said the same thing, and i think he was genuinely surprised. he was very mindful of it in the future.

good luck if you end up meeting with T today. i hope things get addressed to your satisfaction - because i really believe she's the one in the wrong here. her cancelling has nothing to do with a reflection of your worth (she's not doing it on purpose), but she definitely needs to make amends.

eta: i just read your replies above, and thought to add - if she really is having a proble with you, then this is something she should be addressing direclty rather than passively taking it out on you. i hope this email you've sent is taken as an invitation for open, honest communication. if she just responds more defensively, then it definitely has nothing to do with you - it's her own issue, and not something worth you investing more effort in.