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That email that you sent your T is amazing. I just went through this w/ my T - about cancellations and rescheduling. Your email was honest, courageous and so insightful. You were truthful and eloquent about how you were feeling and reading it I really found myself identifying. Had you written this about 10 days ago I might have taken it in to read pieces of it to my T.
What I found for myself was that even though this is the first therapist that I have been able to really trust (due to bad past experience) all the confusion was taking a toll on me and I was questioning her motives. Was she doing it to push me? To show me that nothing is certain? Just letting her know that helped both of us. I realized that for me I don't have to stop coming and that it was ok to be angry with her. She was not going anywhere. I felt ashamed for questioning her motives and I let her know. But the thing was that I had to decide for myself if I really wanted to continue to work with this therapist. I think once I did talking to her and being honest about my feelings was a in itself an accomplishment for me. What she really made clear to me that was hard for me to accept was that I had not done anything wrong, these were her errors and she needed to work on that. But I was not at fault and my feelings/thoughts were VALID and REAL.
What you wrote was incredible and I hope that your therapist provides you with the same warmth that mine did. YOU are not at fault, this is her problem and she needs to take responsibility for her actions. As I have learned therapy is a weird relationship but it's one that develops.
Please keep us informed and post about what happens. Regardless of what your therapist says I hope you realize that the email took an incredible amount of honest self reflection an courage - I realize that I don't know you but I think that, that email was your own "session" and that you have taken some huge steps in your own growth.
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