Oh ugh, good luck with the boss's wife...nothing like somebody deciding you're among the damned...

I don't have much experience in this area, but it sure sounds like you have issues with your childhood abuse interfering with how you feel about men now... It sounds as though you want access to that part of yourself that is attracted to men, but the bad experiences from childhood are making it difficult.

Have you talked to a good psychotherapist? Not to trot that out as the "standard solution" for everybody , but it really sounds like you have some things to unravel here.