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I have come to the conclusion that there are
some people worthy of being loved and then there is
me.
I was not worthy of a mothers love nor a fathers love I am not worthy of
love from my partner or my daughter
why do I stay ?. good question
answer my son he will not leave he has aspergers syndrome
and this house is his comfort zone, so no I cannot do that to him
and I wont.
So what to do ????
I wanted so many things from this "life" you know but
most of all I wanted to know what love felt like
I mean true love.
I guess unfortunatly I have made my bed and now it is time to just lay down and whatever
He tells me I am usless stupid an idiot etc etc etc I could say more but I wont but you know worst of all my daughter talks this way to me all the time and that truely hurts so very very bad...but there is nothing I can do
No I am sorry if this comes across as a woe is me post that is not my intent
I am simply saying out loud what is in my heart.
and for some time now my heart is so broken I am not even sure
it can ever be fixed Oh I want to run I really do but I just cannot do that
maybe it is fear and I use my son as an excuse for not going or maybe I am simply destined to live this life as is I have very few happy times
sure I laugh but hey do not laugh to loud or to much
that makes people mad.
Sorry I will shut up now
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"Look at me, I'm a tangled puppet--I might be a mess, but I sure can survive."
--4 Non Blondes
"We don't create a fantasy world to escape reality, we create it to be able to stay."
--Lynda Barry
"Years Teach Us More Then Books"
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