Hi Amalie and Welcome!

You sound a lot like me. I fought with the notion that my mom was being abusive, except mine even snuck in some physical abuse occasionally as well. I was 40 when I finally let my T. convince me that all she's done to me was abuse...... I always had some answer, like, she's just explosive at times, or she's insecure so she can't help it, or- I must take it to be a loving daughter. I see now, none of those where valid reasons to let the abuse continue--- there should never be a reason to let abuse continue.

I also had an ill father, after he passed, I was 31 then... there was always some other reason to let my mom continue her actions like: she's all alone now- I can't just abandon her etc. etc.... I let this thinking take it's toll for another 9 years!! Now at 42 I've been struggling through therapy and feeling ashamed that I let things go on and on for so long.

I can understand your love for your dad and yes, even your mom. But now being an adult with children please remember to consider yourself and your family. Children learn from what they observe... perhaps yours can see an awsome, strong and self loving mother that is secure and sure of herself so in turn they can become the same!

I understand it's all very complicated... I feel for you. I hope what I've said hasn't offended you.... if you'd like.. you can PM me anytime. Please take care and be kind to yourself so others will treat you the same. ( that's something I'm working on.)

Mandy