((A)))) i am glad that you are posting your thoughts and feelings here, i do read as many of your posts as i am able and i've found you to be not only intelligent, but honest and caring..

people come from all walks of life and with a history of thier own experiences and beliefs and a wide variety of belief systems are made available for us to consider and choose from.. some even mix them together, taking what makes sense from one and combining it with others to form a broader and more balanced belief system of thier own..

i think it is harmful for one group to say that the way they view spirit matters is the only correct way.. it closes doors of communication and limits understanding... it creates an us or them mentality that then contributes to intolerance and misunderstanding...

allowing others to have an opinion and express their beliefs in a non harmful way, expressing our own beliefs as non harmfully as possible, creates an environment of acceptance and mutual respect for learning and understanding each other..

the relative you speak of is teetering between assertion of her own beliefs and aggression...

it is hard in a peaceful manner to defend our own beliefs when we feel attacked without becoming an attacker ourselves, but if we look towards the lessons of our teachers we can see that education is our answer...

i would quietly but firmly assert that you have built your belief system over many years of study and honest examination and that for you, at this time, your understanding of matters is what has pulled you through and givn you the peace and harmony you have needed to survive several of lifes natural dilemmas that we all are confronted with...

spirituality is a good thing for us.. we are able to research the ways in which other peoples, from different time frames, have overcome obstacles and survived hardships.. different people, in different times have faced unique and individualized struggles and by examining the ways that others have processed and found faith to live out each day with hope and strength, we adopt and adapt...

there are many choices in faith that one may choose to study and learn from and each has its merits and considerations... for me, the only bad faith is the one which encourages harm on others because all good faiths are built on the idea of support for each other... faiths which do not support the good health of the people are not faiths of spirit, but instead are destructors of spirit...

you have the ability to know within yourself, in honest assessment, which of these faiths you are a member of...

accept that others are also finding their own way and may not yet have arrived at your own level of understanding about encouragement versus discouragement and allow them to reach understanding in thier own time as best you are able....

our human condition has its own process of making us aware of our misunderstandings and that is known as suffering... be good to you, be good to others and it will come back to you in that way... harmful intent serves its own justice on each individual and in that way the individual is continually led to find clearer understanding..

perhaps it is you who should be trying to 'fix' her but that puts things into the perspective of opposing forces... peace of mind is what you seek.. claim your own and let no one take it from you...

hope this helps some, if not, i hope someone else will have the reply you are looking for.. tc always