HI! Yes it is abuse...

That being said what now. Now that your Dad is dying you may have to tollerate this a bit longer because as I am reading you don't suggest that he has been hard on you at all and that you do love him. But after you send Dad to his God what then..

It just doesn't matter what she has done in your past it only matters what you will allow and tolerate now. Now you are a respected piece of you community and you want your children to grow up strong and without the disrespect they see their grandmother putting on their mother. And by the way they will wonder why you don't do anything about it! So take hold of all of your strength and tell her flat out you won't tolerate this any more and that you AND your kids don't deserve it. Gently explain that she is sick and that you will help her get in touch with someone who can help.. but that you are no longer her kicking board. If she doesn't want help then you walk away until she does.. and to be honest that may never happen!

I wish you and you kids the very best.. Start loving yourself she was out of her mind when she said those things to you. You are not a mirror of her comments. If she could be well for just one moment she would tell you to stop allowing her to deeply hurt you. She is your mother and she is mentally unstable..

Good luck...