I guess because whenever I cried before, I was vulnerable and I was always attacked somehow, whether it be physically, sexually or mentally. I was ALWAYS attacked. I guess I'm scared of that happening now and that's why I won't let myself be vulnerable by crying. I'm scared that someone will laugh at me, like everytime I cry now, that sound of HER cackle, the evil, spiteful, nasty, conniving, hateful laugh. I hate it. Ugh. I hate being reminded of her.