TY all...one is the loneliest number they say...Coming here helps sometimes. Yes the subpoena has me freaked big time. Mainly because I have sent many "freak out" emails and shared poems that say a lot about me past and present. The T spoke to my attorney and tells me she thinks everything will be okay. Easy for her to say since it is not her dirty laundry that will be aired out for all to see. I think exposed is an understatement for how I feel about it. I can say what this has gotten me.....a major issue with the trust thing and it is actually causing me to dissociate more in T instead of saying how I really feel like....there is a delete button on emails! Letting out how I feel when actually talking to someone is not something that comes easy. Most of it from growing up, you were not entitled to opinions or feelings! At the age of 41 I feel like a real loser because I feel like I still am not entitled to either. Guess that is where being online and the anonymity of it all makes it a little easier to speak your mind. The really funny thing is I feel very vulnerable after I post, how crazy is that? It all just adds to the depression! Thanks for the support!