Hanginon,

I am so sorry this is happening to you right now. I can't imagine my T behaving like that. I went to one I didn't like a year ago and decided not to see her after 3 times. I thought she wouldn't be the one to help me the way I needed help...I felt 'wounded' at that point in my life, though nothing like you have suffered with the abuse issues. It wasn't like I was trying to tell her how to do her job, but it was like, build me up a little before you tear me down with that T. Plus I didn't like the "therapy dogs" she had in her office, and the office was dirty with clumps of dog hair. Bottom line, I was not comfortable there with her. I choose to leave her and find a different T.

You seem to be saying the same thing about this T. She can't promise you consistency. It doesn't seem like she is willing/able to compromise her stand. I can sort of see where she is coming from, but only to a degree.

She stated what she is willing to do and what she won't do. She is forcing you to be the one to make the next decision. You put her on the defensive, and she didn't like that, that's my take on it anyway.

You can't get from her what you want the most, consistancy.

But - now I'm not a T, but let me play devil's advocate here a little. Maybe
what she is trying to help you with is that you need to learn to cope with somethings...in her opinion, she is being responsible for letting you know up front that she is in charge. That isn't really how a real trusting T relationship works, IMO.

I don't want you to just drop seeing a therapist, because I think you could get help if you give it a little bit of time...but are you strong enough for your T's control? Are you up for a challenge with her? I understand how upsetting it must be for you and I wish there was a way I could be of help, you have had enough of other people being in control of you. Is it time for you to take some control and make choices. Maybe that is what she is working at here????? Life is full of inconsistancy. Some are acceptaable and some are not. I feels as if you need to be more grounded and think about it for a while without just walking out in the mood you are in right now.

You keep writing to us and make your own choices. Wondering what is normal is "normal" when you are in therapy. You had little you could count on an an earlier time, but maybe you need to make your own consistancy now.

I hope some of the professional people here at PC will jump in and help you with this. I'm just answering as a friend here.

Good bless and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.