I'm constantly thinking well what is the point? why? and feeling just... utterly exhausted. defeated. crap. but the evenings are the worst, and i dont completely get why. im tiredest in the morning but its when im lying down in bed unable to sleep (which happens pretty much every night... depression has affected my sleep pretty badly, it takes anything from half an hour to two or three, and then i wake up a lot at night) when i think im at most of a risk to myself, if that makes sense.
Its like... i just think about nothing other than why im still even going when everythings so dark... how crap life is... how hard it is... and then how i want to end it.
The thing is i think i shouldnt end it. but i feel like i should. its fairly confusing... logic and emotions seem to work differently when you really try to think about it... for me anyways.
but yeah, its like.. the whole late at night wide awake part that confuses me. Is it because im not focusing on anything else? is there any way to not get like this? im trying everything under the sun to get to sleep easier but it doesnt seem to work, and i cant get meds to help with my sleep because yet again, my age is an issue. i know that depression is always hard but its so frustrating being patronized and being treated differently because im not an adult.
i'd really appreciate any help :]
x