i know im hurting my body. i know its bad. i know its probably stupid.
i know im making it hurt, breaking it, destroying it. my stomach hurts. i feel dizzy. i feel sick.
and somehow its still not hard enough.
it sounds crazy right? it seems impossible to get through every single day...
but i have to make this as hard as possible
and i dont know why.
maybe its just to prove that i can do it?
maybe its because i already know that i cant?
i feel sick.
i feel worthless.
and i cant trust myself.
i dont want to live. i dont think i should die.
i want to scream. i want to cry. i just want to curl up and hide.
i think im just gonna take a really long walk, clear my head...
try to become just a little saner.
try to get through another day.