Hey Shez, hope you've left your doz outta the fridge and left the lids on. Be strong.

As you're part of PC, I guess you have obstacles to a life more ordinary, and perhaps have now or have had in the past some kind of talk therapy. Sound like now is a good time for it?! Wondering if your back ground bit similar to mine...

Started drinking at 12, pill-popper at 10. Diff is I got addicted. Fast forward 25 years and here I am, sober, however a little unstable
I still go through days when I crave alcohol and/or cocaine. I can feel it in my body, taste it, I sweat and shake, and I WANT IT. But something nearly always tips me over to be that way...and its nearly always something I don't want to look at or remember, a trigger that I want to go away.

Where have your thoughts been today, the last couple of days, this week? Has something happened to a friend, or did you hear a story that upset you? It can be something that you may have thought previously insignificant, but may have been a little key to a little lock in mind...

If you grew up in a household of people who drank and did drugs, they too were pushing feelings/thoughts down they didn't want to face. This has been role-modelled to you. Just because your conscious thought is not to follow suit and be like them, your sub-conscious absorbed your surroundings and learned from your family how to deal with certain situations.

My advice to you for the immediate moment is distraction, distraction, distraction. If you haven't had any of that doz you bought, go for a drive, a walk if its not the middle of the night where you are, call someone, go to the shops and be where there are other people. If its not usual behaviour for you to buy the grog, distract yourself till you regather your strength to make your best judgement for yourself and stay sober. But don't ignore your sub-conscious' call for your conscious' help. We all have our own signals and signs of distress, this could be yours.

Even at our weakest and meekest, we have strength. I'm sure you have had a past that has demonstrated that to you. Draw on that experience now, and be strong. Tomorrow is another day filled with positive potential for you to explore and expand.

Love, light and peace,
kp