I feel a bit ashamed to be telling my situation somehow. I am a 50 yr old woman & although I have an adult daughter I have had almost no relationships with men until a man came into my life last year. (That tells you right away that there must be something wrong with me I guess.) I have loved a few men but noone ever loved me back as far as I can tell. Anyway, I truly believed that this man loved me. Maybe he thought he did. I initially broke up with him 2 months ago because I couldn't take his endless complaining about me not giving him enough sex. I felt I was doing my best & then some. I come from a background of violent sexual abuse, rapes, & he knew this coming into the relationship. Initially he was supportive of me. I was having sex with him & I thought I was doing great all things considered. I think I knew early on though that it wasn't going to work out. A few months after we started dating he started telling me that if I didn't give him more sex, more frequently, he would have to get it elsewhere. He also told me I was too loud during sex. That happened only once & thereafter I was quieter. I was very hurt about both things though & it just killed my desire to have sex with him. I kept on doing my best though. It became very disturbing for me to do certain sex acts with him but I did although sometimes I did say no. Sometimes we'd be having sex & I would have to just stop because I was having what felt like a panic attack. Usually he took this very well short-term but clearly he was not happy long-term. He did say the sex was good for him when we had it though. During all those months he seemed to genuinely care about me & otherwise we had a lot of fun together & were good friends. When I first broke up with him I felt relief but now I miss all the other great things, like the non-sexual cuddling & the friendship. I feel heartbroken. Everytime I run into him it kills me. He already has a new love interest, of course, & clearly has moved on. I feel pathetic that I am still missing the good parts of our past relationship. I feel it is pretty unlikely that I will find someone else. True, I am not really in any hurry to either at this point. I have a few friends & a therapist who tell me I am an okay-looking woman & my ex-boyfriend used to tell me I was the nicest person he had ever met, personality-wise. As time goes on though I seem to be getting more, not less, depressed about the whole thing. The sadness almost hurts physically sometimes. I think the situation has just triggered a lot of the old internal tapes I've struggled with much of my life... that tell me I am a piece of **** & unlovable. Somehow I thought I was beyond that...