Float away from all the tears...? Confused!!! No, I don't mind you teasing me, if only I understood what you mean!! My brain is floating around like I'm on something :P But I'm not!!!

I guess it's fear of the unknown and fear of being taken back to that time and reliving it.. i don't want to start hyperventilating with Counsellor, because I hate people being there when i panic because they try to touch me, hug me or whatever to let me know that they're there and I'm safe, but that just makes me flinch and feel even more scared.

I know she'll say I'm not weak and she'll say that it takes a lot of strength to break down such tough barriers and cry... But still, I'm so scared!

I don't want to give them too long... i want to giev them at most until I'm 20. That's only 2 years away, but still that's a hell of a long way away and I know it is and maybe you think that's too long, but it's a round number and it's a time when i want to have started my new life and have moved on. I want to be able to let go by the time I'm 20, whether I just forgive or forget. I don't care. I want to let go then.

At least there's an explanation for their behaviour, but that doesn't excuse it. My twin seems to think it does, but it doesn't. Nothing ever excuses such awful behaviour towards a child... I just wish I could believe that it's not my fault. I know a small part deep inside me tells me and knows that it's not my fault, but those voices come back everyday reminding me that I'm doing everything wrong, whether I am actually doing it wrong, or I'm doing the best thing that anyone could ever do...