Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankz
Err.
I dont know if this is specifically me needing help, or maybe a rant. You can decide..
Ok so, lately I've just realized reality, and everything about it, and it's gotten me into a deep depression. 
First off, weight. I do eat for comfort, I've realized that, and it seriously is making me mad. I've been eating healthier and excercising alot more, but nothing seems to work..
Second, my whole family is like SCREWED or something.
My older sister is a transgender, Female > Male, which I have no problem w/, but it seems as if she wants things SO bad, like money for surgery, a new id, and she's driving w/out a liscense which worries me ALOT. And, she's really stuck up at times, as if she cared only for her self, and maybe a few others, but those "others" aren't us, being the family which loves her the most.
Thirdly, my cutting. UGH. I cant stand that I do this, but I have SO MUCH ANGER inside of me that I take my anger out on myself, odd I know but what can I say? I'm weird.
Fourthly, my look. My friends and family and people close to me say I'm pretty, but me on the other hand, well I think I'm ugly. I dont KNOW if my brain is playing some sort of trick on me to where I'm seeing something totally different, but I REALLY think I'm fat & ugly, (no, I'm not a skinny girl who thinks she's fat, I really do have poundage) no doubt. I look in the mirror and think WHY do I look like this, then again, there has GOT to be a reason I look like this.
Then, my anger issues. I piss my mom off ALOT with my anger, but I cant help it. I take my anger out on one of two things: 1. Me, 2. The people I love.
Sixth, love. Okay, I'm 13. What? Love? Yes, love. I've sadly realized the truth-girls around me have someone OTHER than family or friends to love them, I dont. I WISH for ONCE I could be pretty enough to just have someone like that, I guy who loved me for ME. And well, I don't know when or how soon its gonna happen.
Lastly, reality and the world itself. Ive realized thats all thats shown off are girls who are super tiny, and then the world is totally screwed, w/the economy which depresses my mother, and I HATE seeing my mom sad.
asdfghjkl;'
As you can see, I think my life is just about screwed from here.
>.>
Thanks for letting me let all this out;; |
Witchy, you know? 10 + 3= how you feel. Why doesn't one of the major theme parks build a roller coaster called 'The Adolescent'?
1.) "It's been done!"
2.) Nobody would get on it
again, given a choice in the matter.
Let's see-13. (I'm 44 now and have three kids). First thing that comes to mind is geek. Grease; in theaters and on my face and hair. And ofcourse, the movie "Carrie" (you know, Stephen King). Just kidding, I'm not commenting to give you the creeps, but some fun things to do that just might be value-added.
When I was 13, I read "The Diary of Anne Frank" and every Judy Bloom book I could get my hands on. That was a long time ago, but reading accounts of other people my age and what they experienced helped me realize I'm not the first, don't have things the worst, and I'm not alone on planet earth with my feelings. Through my social worker, I just learned of a 13 year old gal who had a baby.
You see, some things never change, and basing your self worth on proving sexual attractiveness or worth always ends the same way (if you've noticed all the babies).
I rode my bicycle alot when I was 13. Shudder to think what my fluctuating hormones would have left me looking like if I didn't get all that exercise. Well, you children have even more escalated development than we did, and we had quiete a bit.
Don't be afraid to be an original; think of yourself as being in a 'cacoon', lame as that sounds. The world will continue to turn, and you won't fly off of it if you shut off all the media in your life for a little bit, and get busy at the most important thing you'll ever do-becoming you. Think about it-how can you be an adult and establish healthy relationships if you don't learn how to get along with yourself?
Sounds like your mom loves you alot-from her stand point, she knows you're changing into a person more separate and distinct from her than you were before; she maybe uncertain as to whether she should remind you of your connection, or give you more space. The important thing is that you two can keep talking to each other.
You sure are articulate for a person your age, how wonderful
!
Best wishes on your journey-(no other fingerprint will be exactally like it).