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Hey Phoenix,
Sorry I have not been around - been lost in my own stuff. I understand the rebound thing all too well and it's scary. Like being between a rock and hard place - feels like you can't win either way.
It's not about the cutting and if you do or not and I think you know that. You don't have to use that as a barometer of your self esteem. If you do you are bad and if you don't you did well. The feelings are going to be there. SI'ing will just give you yet another thing to beat yourself up over. I get freaked when things are calm and don't know how to deal with it. For me it's almost an out of control feeling.
It's hard not to bite the hook and SI, today I almost did and it wasn't that the urge passed it was just talking to somebody about what was going on. I'm happy that you did not SI, but more importantly I'm happy that you posted and intervened when the urges were so strong.
THIS IS HARD STUFF!!! But I really think that you want this, I know from what you have posted that you really want to learn new behaviors and start to make choices.
I wish I could give you the elixir to make it better, but I don't. But I care and think I understand some of what you are going through. I hope that's helpful.
Keep us posted.
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