#####,

I really had time to sit down and think about the email you wrote me as well as to ponder more on our last session. I am a bit stumped that you are placing the blame on me, as far as our work being affected, by me not telling you sooner how I felt about so many changes in scheduling, including cancellations. That is not the case.

You mentioned in your email that you would have honored me and affirmed my assertiveness if I had told you how the changes made me feel. I was doing just that last week, which took a ton on my part to do, and there was no honor for my assertiveness, just defensive reaction on your part.

I am beginning to think that if I had told you three months earlier, it would have made no difference. You see I was finally starting to take some control over my therapy, only you overpowered that control with your defensive reactions. I noticed some of the same reactions when we were talking about breaks but I let that slide thinking maybe you had a bad day.

I did not go into session last week in an attempt to bail out of our relationship; it was to tell you how the changes were making me feel, to make you more aware of it. Certainly not to let it ruin our relationship. Your response to my concern is what is truly affecting our relationship. You were not welcoming of my concern at all. In your email you told me to take notice of my transference, as if it’s a bad thing; transference happens in everyday life and is certainly most common in therapy, in fact, welcomed; although apparently it wasn’t in my case.

It is counter-transference that is a big no, no in therapy. That should not have entered the room.
I have taken a few psychology classes myself, and have done clinical work, where I had performed therapeutic interviews with clients at a psych ward; I had to be very aware of my own prejudices/ issues so as not to let counter-transference take place, because counter-transference is not therapeutic and should not enter such a relationship.

I sit here thinking maybe you had something serious going on with your family. Maybe there is something going on in your own life that made you so reactionary. If that were the case, I would certainly understand such a session taking place #####. Perhaps I remind you of someone you don’t get along with, something, it has to be something.

You left me feeling belittled. You threw digs at me, one being when you asked me how I felt about you taking three weeks off in July; I said its vacation, everyone needs them. But you snapped back with it’s not vacation, I’m not going to be gone the whole time, it’s personal leave…..And there will be NO emailing; you said it as if you were scolding a 6 year old. I wasn’t even complaining about email. It was like you were intentionally trying to hurt me.

Another one you snapped back with is that you’re other clients would say no when you ask them if you can change their time. It wasn’t about them #####, it was about what I needed. I’m not your other client’s. The final blow was you telling me that you couldn’t even think of a name of someone that you could refer me to that would not change my appointment times as much as you. As if asking for some consistency was a huge deal.

I’m sorry you are having such a hard time dealing with the schedule changes with your new position, but that is no reason for you to be taking your frustration out on me. I am still fairly new with therapy and have always had a hard time speaking out; now I fear it even more because the one person who was supposed to hear me and be sensitive to those needs, the one safe place became unsafe.

It was my first time ever speaking up to you ##### and leaves the thought in my head, what if this is how she always is with confrontation, or when one speaks up; if that’s the case, then it is not professional behavior, and it would leave me not wanting to pursue future therapeutic work with you.

I’m shocked that my finally speaking up for myself was turned into such a mess. I’m am really worried about going in to see you next week, of having you become so reactionary again. I literally went home and cried most that night. I had never expected such an experience in what was supposed to be a safe professional therapeutic relationship.

########