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I really had time to sit down and think about the email you wrote me as well as to ponder more on our last session. I am a bit stumped that you are placing the blame on me, as far as our work being affected, by me not telling you sooner how I felt about so many changes in scheduling, including cancellations. That is not the case.
i am not placing any "blame" on you, hangingon, just pointing out how your inaction has led to this situation. there is no judgement on my part, just a stating of the facts.

You mentioned in your email that you would have honored me and affirmed my assertiveness if I had told you how the changes made me feel. I was doing just that last week, which took a ton on my part to do, and there was no honor for my assertiveness, just defensive reaction on your part.
i have already mentioned that there may have been some countertransference. but i find it interesting that my valid points (see above) are being dismissed as being "just defensive" also. i think you may be engaging in black/white thinking here.

I am beginning to think that if I had told you three months earlier, it would have made no difference. You see I was finally starting to take some control over my therapy, only you overpowered that control with your defensive reactions. I noticed some of the same reactions when we were talking about breaks but I let that slide thinking maybe you had a bad day.
again, i think this may be a transference issue on your part. maybe you had issues of power/control with your last therapist, and you are transferring those negative expectations and reenacting them here. i have never sought to control you, hangingon, i think your perception of a lack of power has just been the result of your refusing to take it yourself.

I did not go into session last week in an attempt to bail out of our relationship; it was to tell you how the changes were making me feel, to make you more aware of it. Certainly not to let it ruin our relationship. Your response to my concern is what is truly affecting our relationship. You were not welcoming of my concern at all. In your email you told me to take notice of my transference, as if it’s a bad thing; transference happens in everyday life and is certainly most common in therapy, in fact, welcomed; although apparently it wasn’t in my case.
i did not say your transference was a bad thing. i only pointed it out thinking that if you took note of it it might help modulate your intense emotional reaction to this situation. i agree that transference takes place in every day life and in therapy, and my pointing it out *was* using it for therapeutic benefit. if it wasn't welcomed, it would not have been mentioned.

It is counter-transference that is a big no, no in therapy. That should not have entered the room.
I have taken a few psychology classes myself, and have done clinical work, where I had performed therapeutic interviews with clients at a psych ward; I had to be very aware of my own prejudices/ issues so as not to let counter-transference take place, because counter-transference is not therapeutic and should not enter such a relationship.
i have already said that there may have been some counter transference on my part. if i am willing to accept responsibility for my part in this affair, i would challenge you to accept your responsibility also.

I sit here thinking maybe you had something serious going on with your family. Maybe there is something going on in your own life that made you so reactionary. If that were the case, I would certainly understand such a session taking place #####. Perhaps I remind you of someone you don’t get along with, something, it has to be something.

You left me feeling belittled. You threw digs at me, one being when you asked me how I felt about you taking three weeks off in July; I said its vacation, everyone needs them. But you snapped back with it’s not vacation, I’m not going to be gone the whole time, it’s personal leave…..And there will be NO emailing; you said it as if you were scolding a 6 year old. I wasn’t even complaining about email. It was like you were intentionally trying to hurt me.
i am a professional and have never intentionally tried to hurt you. i am sorry you were hurt by my response. this might be something we can look at more closely in our next session - why my going on a break and not offering email makes you feel like you are being scolded.
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