First of all I would like to say that you are an awesome writer. You really can get your thoughts in print - sorry what you have to write about is so sad for you.

Getting away from it all sounds like your biggest problem. From what you have written you live in the country. Think about taking a long nature walk - look at the flowers, birds, clouds, stars, sunset or what ever is near you. Try to enjoy nature it is peaceful and free.

Hope you feel better soon.