The entire notion that self-esteem exists in some hermetically-sealed vacuum-chamber entirely separate from, and unrelated to, how people treat us, happens to be an absolute crock and a gigantic vast load of sh/t. If your T or anyone else keeps trying to sell you this bootstrapping lie, fire them and find people who have a better, healthier grasp on reality to aid you with your healing and recovery. You don't need others passing on the same toxic bully/abuser memes that subjected them to lying garbage and warped their thinking in this regard.



Honestly this type of toxic garbage choking the meme pool makes Malady want to HURL.

A HEALTHIER approach would be to begin from the vantage point of the facts.
FACT: people paying attention to us, particularly positive attention, show us we matter.
FACT: we cannot truly feel we "matter" if we "matter" only to ourselves, so no hermetically-sealed vacuums on self-esteem, OK?
FACT: IF we do not get the healthy amount of psycho-emotional affirmation, validation, etc. we need (not just want but NEED) then we tend to act out in unhealthy ways seeking to fill that gap (i.e. acting out in ways to force negative attention -- the subconscious deal of "any attention would be better than none")
FACT: it bes perfectly normal and acceptable to need affirmation, validation, and other indicators from others that you matter, that you bes loved. NOTHING wrong with you for needing that; we ALL do.
FACT: that does not mean others will always give it to you OR EVEN give a crap ABOUT giving that to you, i.e., see it as their "job".
FACT: this does not mean they maliciously withhold it. but even realizing that will not stop being overlooked and ignored from feeling hurtful.
FACT: you have a right to those feelings and anything else you feel. you have a right to own and express those feelings.
FACT: doing & recognizing all these things will help; it bes called loving yourself the healthy way, and it, too, can help fill in the gaps on your self-esteem
FACT: as you lovingly esteem yourself, you will in time begin to grow in confidence and this will show -- which will also usually have the effect of making you less likely to be overlooked or blown off, which in turn will help you feel more validated.
FACT: self-blame and self-condemnation and the whole toxic shame spiral suck and don't resolve anything. Even if you pick a different method to cope with things than the one outlined here, don't let the lies in the world passed off as "truth" or "wisdom" which dictate a toxic isolation tank to you, suck you down into believing them.