Please know that you are not sick or weird in any way what so ever.... what you are is a person trying to deal with the sexual abuse you suffered from in the past... and yes, sadly the coping often comes out in strange sexual behavior or fantasies - most of the people that have been sexually abused understands what you are going through.

I understand as I was once were you are now - and the best advice I can give is for you to open up completely in therapy so your T can truly help you... I found that it was easier for me to talk about certain sexual abuse and fantasies if I wrote them down on paper for my T to read then when she knew the sickness I tried to keep secret the path was open for us to talk about what other people had done to me and my mind.

((( HUGS )))