spent most of tonight/yesterday somewhere in between freaking out and dissociating (when he was around but i know enough to know what happened..) and flashbacks and such. cant bring myself to tell my fosters. feels like im letting them down... shouldnt i be able to trust them more by now... sometimes still scared they will kick me out just like all of them do eventually... i just feel so dirty and ashamed right now.. i just dont want to go trough the whole process of police and hospital and then getting hopes up again and then getting hurt again by someone else anyway... everything hurts.. cant stop seeing this things feeling it even smelling it.. then to think of having to see him again when i got to go to school in a few hours.. its almost to much