Hello folks..........

I'm a "stranger" in this forum; but I am compelled to "come clean"
I spent many years; from age 8 to & past "young adulthood" & even into my early 30's disfiguring my entire left forearm w/ cigarette burns....and cutting on top of burns on top of old burns.....and the cutting!
I always went to a cemetary, where they had a water spiget;
First, it was to just "draw blood" just to make sure I was human (ie: my blood was red) I have lived w/ all these scars, even thru nursing school where you practice things like just taking a radial pulse on each other; you had to wear your "uniform" which was a bummer b/c it was a teal color that made you stick out like a sore thumb and it was short-sleeved........on top of that it revealed my pale skin.......w/ all the prior scars....I could always look into their eyes (my fellow nursing students)when they were looking at my arm & not saying anything!
I haven't SI for years, but just recently my hubby decided to take on leather crafting for a hobby; he went "postal" w/ his checkbook buying his supplies.....then, he came home w/ the huge selection of "blades"
I felt that "voice" in my head that I haven't heard for years....."CUT!!!"

I jusr stared at those blades & it was like getting smashed over the head........can anybody relate?
I thought I was "past that phase" but w/ being extremely agoraphobic lately & hubby being gone all day..it really hard NOT to think about just "testing" how sharp those blades are........on me!
Man, I don't want to "give in" to those rituals again.....
I'm scared.....for the first time in over 10 years.....the blades are calling me........

DAYZEE9