Hi! I'm new here - it's nice to meet you all. I've posted on another forum, but need to find answers to more questions.

I just started psychodynamic therapy with a very experienced psychiatrist and analyist and think I may need support for the therapy (support for therapy-lol) in between visits to process all this stuff. Well it's all new to me-have been with 3 different therapists in the past long term but intermittent, and never felt much results. But they didn't do this type of therapy. I told this new psychiatrist that it seemed all my past therapists had tried to be my "friend", which didn't get me anywhere.

I've only seen him twice now and have overwhleming transferrence with him. I've never felt transferrence (noticably) -always wondered what it was like--now I know!!! I can barely think around him-I just feel. I had wondered why I felt so strange around him right from the beginning. (I knew his son-a doctor who left a lasting impression on me--and had preconceived notions about him before i met him and had 100% trust in him) So on the second visit, he dismantled my defense mechanisms and regressed me to a little girl. I thought I was just narrating my childhood history at the time-it took me several days to figure out what happened.

I had a lot of childhood trauma and had supressed all my childhood emotions, intellectualized everything all these years; I don't remember any of the emotions. Well, when he regressed me, I felt like a needy, vulnerable little girl. But since I dont remember feeling that way-I only remember feeling like an adult as long as i can remember-how did I know that is how I felt? I am in my 30s

So after that, I have a strong attachment to him. I long for him. I called him the next day. I didn't think of it at the time, but I think I called him for reassurance. I crave his reassurance. But why reassurance? I don't remember ever feeling needy or dependent upon another person; yet, i feel so needy with him. I feel like a little girl with him. Did he do that on purpose or did I alone facilitate the attachment?

So I'm sooo fascinated by this whole thing. Is this how it's supposed to happen? How do I handle longing for him and craving his reassurance all the time? Especially because he is not friendly, doesn't display emotions around me. I think he does this on purpose and am okay with it because it seems to have worked, whatever "worked" is..., but it's kind of hard to deal with. Do analysts normally remain this way the whole time? When he called me back, he really didn't give me reassurance-didn't say much and it made me long for him more. I can't wait to go back there.

So-I guess my main concern is the attachment to him, and his distant behavior and posture. While I know its for my benefit, it seems difficult to grasp and I'm not sure how to deal with the cravings to see him and for his reassurance. Are they like this the whole time, or did he do this to facilitate transference? How should I expect this to affect me during the course of treatment?