Good Morning to you! Read your post and welcome here if I haven't said it yet. I don't know but maybe you can write down a list of things to discuss with your husband if you can't get to a counselor about things. I used to do that. I had a flip top notebook and I'd write out the questions and problems we had and then I'd ask him to sit down and discuss them with me. He would but then would refuse to discuss some of it. But we got some discussed, too.

I, too, have a member in my family who says things that hurt my feelings so I took to letter writing, too. I think it's a good idea and it's still showing communication. At times I did not even want to write or talk to him from the things he'd say to me. With my family member lately I'll rephrase what he says to me that is on the questionable side and put it into a question to him. He was surprised at that. I was smiling and sort of giggling, too. Now usually the things he says have me very upset but I felt a bit better this time. There were a few other comments too about some things that bothered me yet. I'm trying to look at him as not knowing what the heck he is saying as he drinks too much. He never cared to learn much on relationships or communication or anything of that nature either. Very macho man. He also is the kind that doesn't listen to open pleas about how he speaks to me. I know this after many many years. Now, I keep my distance, write letters, call him once in awhile and try telling him what he just said to me in a paraphrase at times, too, now. I think it tells him what he is saying to me. He often says insults or things to aggravate. He's always done that to me to the point where I Used to be in tears. Now I'm not in tears yet it still is distressing. But I keep trying new things to remedy this and keep a good distance too. He doesn't call me like your mom does. We don't have to talk to people when it causes us to feel bad as you know. Sometimes when I got an answering machine message I'd write a note to acknowledge it and sometimes say I haven't felt like speaking to anyone as an excuse. I have, too, though tried to get some points about the communication problems accross at times, too. Like how the things he'd say would hurt my feelings. He'd turn it around on me and say no one else says that. Behind his back they'd all tell me the same kind of things he said. Well, I don't know what else to say but there are many solutions to these things and books in the libraries on communication and self help for relationship problems if you can't see a counselor. Hope you'll keep posting and reading. CQ

<font color=purple>"In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule." Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil</font color=purple>