My Support Forums - View Single Post - *sighs* Please reply. I'm in need of some support... *triggering*

Pup · 09:45 AM

Okay, I know I have another thread up, but I have now ruined it, feel stupid going back into it...

I want to take more Tramadol.
I want to binge drink.
I want to cut.
I want to punch myself black and blue.
I want to purge.
I want to starve.
I want to fade the hell away.

I'm so sick of this "family".
They hurt me so much. They are so horrible. I can't believe I'm actually related to them. I really can't. They are so damn neglectful and abusive and mean. We have some good days, but recently, more bad days than I can handle.
I'm so sick of my head. It's so screwed up. I've got so much crap going on. So many things "wrong" with me. I'm just so sick of being inside my head. I wish I was someone else. I'm so tired of it all.
I'm so sick of my health. I'm sick of being ill. I've been ill now for almost 6 months. I'm so tired of it. I've been waiting for so long for an appointment to be arranged with a CFS/ME specialist, and I've heard NOTHING.
I'm so sick of reality. Must I explain this one?

I ain't gonna cry.
I ain't even got the strength right now.
Despite how much I want to cry.

Hardly anyone can handle me
Because I'm just some screw up.
Yeah, that's right.
Some.Screw.Up.

~~~~~
I long...for solitude...
and peace...
Within me...
Void... of all the anger...
and fear...
~~~~~

So many emotions.
So many thoughts.
Gah!

(P.S. I hope it is okay I used the italics/bold/underline/etc for this post, it just makes it more powerful on some things... Sorry if it bugs anyone...)

Thanks for reading...