Really I don't know what's up with me... I have feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, etc. It just keeps coming back. I feel that everything I do is not good at all. I need a job, a place, etc but these feelings make it impossible to do anything. Since last year I've been with two T's but with no exit. The first was through social security(free) and he judged me the first few minutes saying: well, you know, your problem is something that will be with you longterm... What is this supposed to mean? That I am determined to be feeling like this for the rest of my life? Lately I just feel like a complete failure...

The second T. Well here it seemed that I was playing his role. He never listened and hardly let me speak at all. It seemed like a complete monologue all the time. He was too philosophical. Oh, Life is a present! You are endowed with the gift of life! You have the power! Certainly he was good natured, on the positive side, but he surely didn't have active listening virtues. This second T was private, paid by my mother. I feel really guilty being 34 and not having my future already sorted out, being maintained at the moment, not having a job and not feeling self confident at all like the rest of the "normal" people.

At the end I told my family that I did not like this second T, since he only listened to himself... I mean he was good natured and all, and did what he could, but I just didn't feel good at all and was feeling more confused all the time. On the other hand I don't want my mother to get into more expenses becaus of me.

Anyway, this is just how I fell lately, rap