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Originally Posted by DocJohn
There are no single or easy answers to these kinds of concerns, but I think Micah wrote some words of wisdom that can help guide us--
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I figure if I have nothing nice to say, I don't say it at all........especially not in front of a public forum where there is the possibility of humiliating the person it is directed towards......I do not believe that a person should be backed so far into a corner that they feel they have to defend themselves.
It is my understanding that some people really use this website as a life line........we need to be mindful of those people and protect them until they can protect themselves.
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I completely agree with this sentiment and encourage members to be as selfless as possible (as much as their own health and concerns allow), especially when you see another member who is crying out for help or is being attacked by others. (Always report such issues to a moderator or admin, and we will look into it, too.)
We try to make our community one of the safest ones we possibly can, and recognize that we can't always meet this goal 100% of the time. But we do try, and appreciate members who help others as much as they can here. |
Totally agree with this Doc. Good post.
We also need to recognize that sometimes people may intend to be supportive but what they say at that moment may not come out sounding that way due to their own issues, or others might read something into their words that really bes not there. In general we should try to give each other the benefit of the doubt (as much as possible, given that each of us has our own afflictions to deal with and the inability to trust or a lot of baggage of being dogpiled may go with that for some of us) and respond with neutral language whenever we can. E.g., "sorry but right now X and Y don't really feel supportive to me" would be a lot more helpful and informative than "you're sick, how dare you attack me you psycho" or whatever. In other words don't assume that everything we read that does not "sit well" with us constitutes an "attack" or an attempt to "attack". Recognize that 9/10 of the time it will just be a clash of viewpoints or attitudes or approaches and not something personal. A lot of times it bes really obvious when someone bes trying to get personal digs in. But not always. And sometimes we read that into things where the other person has not meant to do that at all. When in doubt, ask for clarification. Say stuff like, "when you said X, i heard Y, did you really intend to communicate Y or did i misunderstand you?" Those kinds of exchanges can be really productive and healthy for us to have.