I want to thank you all for your support, it really does mean alot.

I guess I was so upset when I wrote my last post, I should mention my children are not living with me, they are older and do not live at home. I would never think to put my children through this, not to say that I deserve t his treatment either, but if my children were with me, as awful as it may sound, I wouldn't have been as supportive as I have been with him.

I know what he does is abusive, and I have left my previous marriage for spousal abuse. I do not want to make excuses, but because of his illness is why I stayed so long. I still feel bad, thinking maybe I didn't do enough or not the right thing. I know he hasn't been in any successful relationships, only one marriage that lasted 3 yrs. and ended 16 yrs ago, still, when things were good they were great. I found out yesterday from our counselor that he has canceled all therapy sessions, I guess that should say something too. I still am worried, though knowing him and the way he operates, I don't doubt he is already seeing someone else, has buried himself in his work and will blame me for all that has happened so he won't have to deal with reality.

Because my feelings for him were and still are real, it doesn't stop the hurt at the mement, but again thank you all for your support, I really means alot to hear from you all.