so we got to CAHMS - the place where i see my counsellor and sort out school and stuff - and i couldnt get out of the car. i just started crying and said i couldnt do it.
im so pathetic.
im such a burden.
im so weak.
and im supposed to be doing my DOE orienteering thing this weekend.
3 days of hiking and two nights of camping...
and i cant do it.
and im such a ****up.
im such a hinderance.
why am i even still alive?
the people that care care because they have to,
i just make their lives even harder.
i can no longer trust myself. i know exactly what pills id take, what id do, where id do it, HOW i would do it... and i didnt even intend to. i want to tell somebody. i have to. but i cant, i dont know how, and what would it help? part of me wants to scream it, yell for help, yell for something to just come and stop me and stop me thinking and feeling like this... and the other part just wants to die already.
why am i still here?