thanks everyone,
thinking and feeling are becoming even more blurred.
my life is becoming even more consumed by this illness,
and i feel so... urgh.
i want to be normal. i want to be better. i want to be happy. i want to want to get up every day. i want to want to live.
i hate doing this. i hate having to go on. i hate being such a burden to everyone else. and i cant see the point in anything... its just all so hard.
all so messed up.
all so painful...
i just want to curl up,
away from everyone,
on my own, not making things difficult or messing everything up
and just stay there forever. being alone can be slightly soothing... its easier than being around people... but its harder to distract yourself. harder to not think.
this isnt life. this isnt living.
this is just... the same every day.
everything is so dark.
so pointless.
i wouldnt wish this upon my worst enemy. :\