Over the past several months I fell in love with a woman. We both knew better. There’s too much between us for a relationship to work. Even though she loves me, there’s just too much. It can not happen. It’s been a cloud hanging over us for a while, the elephant sitting in the room that we both try to ignore.

Almost a month ago I blew off work early, biked down to her house, and told her how I felt. I guess that went as well at it could. I knew not to expect her to come running into my arms. I did get to hold her though, something I’ve wanted to do for a long, long time. I left without an answer. God, that next week was terrible. I kept hoping she would call. Hoping we could find a way.

About a week later she called and we talked. It just couldn’t happen. I knew that might be the answer but I was crushed. My heart broke. Looking back I shouldn’t have done this, but the day after we talked I sent her a painting I had done of her (just some scribbles and watercolor, nothing a 6th grader couldn’t have done) with a note on the back. The note was very personal and probably hurt her to read.

I waited a couple weeks before trying to contact her. She sent a quick response to an email I sent, but hasn’t returned a call yet.

I knew going into this that there was a chance that I could lose her as a friend. God I hope that hasn’t happened. I’m going to leave her alone now and wait for her to contact me. I don’t want to rush or push her. But I feel such terrible despair. Someday we will be able to be friends again, I know it. It’s been too many years to be the end.

There have been a lot of postings about love here. Though my heart is hurting badly, I’m still glad I had the courage to tell her, years ago I would not have. It was worth the risk. Plus, at least I know that there are people out there that care about me, even love me. I guess that’s why it feels so bad to be apart.

Yoi.