Hi aries, ss to hear you're feeling so down. I'm sending you lots of and happy thoughts. If you can muster up the energy to get to a video store and rent a good comedy that might help to lift your spirits a bit even if it's just for a little while to give you a break. My very favorite comedy is "Office Space". I've seen it at least 10 times and every time i watch it i always find something i've missed b4. I know it's hard to keep plugging away, to keep going on sometimes but you can do it. You'll get out of this. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Hard to believe now but it's there. Life is worth living. It can certainly be a challenge sometimes and sometimes it seems that's all there is is one challenge after another but you can do it. One step at a time. Give yourself credit for every little thing you manage to do as each step brings you further out of the darkness.
I've found that if i focus on only right here, right now that everything is alright. I have a roof over my head and it's pouring rain out side so i'm good. I have ppl in my life that I care about and that I know care about me so I'm truly blessed. I have a job I'm happy with so that's a good thing. Right now I am physically healthy and so are most of the ppl in my life. What more could I ask for? Anyway do you see my point? If you think of all the good you have and everything that's going right right now then you're one step ahead of the game. It's when I start to think about things that happened in my past or when I start to worry about my uncertain furture that I get down. But right now, right this moment in time I can be happy. And if you can't be happy then you can just at least be. I have to choose day by day and sometimes even minute by minute to live only in the present. This is where it's all happening. Right here, right now. There's beauty all around you and there's beauty inside of you. Look outside......is the sun shining? if it is that's great. Is it raining? if so that's great too cause it makes everything grow, cleanses the earth. See any flowers growing? or maybe vegetables growing in a garden? The earth renews itself moment by moment. Now look inside. There's so much you have to offer this world. Even if you can't imagine it right now, just by being you contribute to the world. You're part of it. It's part of you. We're all in this together. Allow yourself to just be. Just like the earth renews itself moment by moment, we renew ourselves moment by moment. There is always the ability to feel better, if only a little bit, right now. And if that doesn't work, rent "Office Space." lol.......jk. Sorry didn't mean to make light of the situation. I know you're hurting. I hope you understand what I've said and I appologize if my post seems to be a bit esoteric but this works for me and I thought maybe it could work for you.
If you do feel like you can't handle any more could you contact your T for an emergency appointment? Or contact a crisis hotline?
You could PM me if you'd like. I'll listen. I care. Even though I don't know you I hate to see anyone in so much pain.
Aries, remember....it hasn't always been this bad. It can be good again. It can even be so much better than it has ever been. There's always hope. It's always there. You just need to allow it into your life.

Take care,
BL