This was my initial question, but I think I posted it in the wrong place so here goes again:
I'm new to all this as I thought I just had unipolar depression my entire remembered life. At first I never wanted to be in therapy and then when things got worse after I was about 20, I did a little therapy off and on. I didn't want to take any kind of drugs either because I know people with addictions to illegal drugs (family members) and didn't want it to rule my life. However, I finally lost hope on battling this alone and went to see someone for medications so I could at least sleep last year.
The meds person now says due to the way I respond to SSRI's (negatively...all four they've tried me on--Paxil, Lexapro, Prozac, Celexa--made me agitated, stressed out, with insomnia and impulsive sometimes dangerous behaviors) and the ways I respond to others (Seroquel, Wellbutrin, and now Effexor...which I just started 4 days ago so am not sure about, but at least I have energy on WB and can sleep with SQ without the negative voice and shadow, which I know are just projections of my mind and the depression/anxiety), along with recalling hypomania throughout my childhood to present (where I have spastic energy and tell tons of jokes and become extroverted and reveal information I wish I hadn't to strangers or acquaintances), they think I have bipolar II.
I had to go to the hospital six months ago due to severe depression and writing about being suicidal to a person in authority, who then contacted the local police. They released me. I wasn't actually going to hurt myself, but I was thinking a lot about death and I still do, but not as much on these meds. I've come close to the edge many times and as traumatic as the coerced hospital visit was, at least it woke me up out of believing I could handle these extreme moods on my own. My therapist (new, only 4 weeks now...the first one I tried was totally unhelpful, only wanted the insurance money and I almost totally gave up but the depression was not improving) said that whether I have bipolar or not it doesn't affect our sessions and my treatment.
So my question is, does that make sense to you? And how can I tell my friends and family about my condition if my therapist doesn't seem to think it's a big deal? Should I keep it from them? They probably just think I'm a pessimist. But I'm still not doing very well. This whole discovery process was shocking to me. I was not wanting it to be true and in denial for months, now I get it and I don't think I'll be supported if I do tell people. They'll probably just dismiss the diagnonsis since I've been so good at controlling my external appearance in my adult life even when I'm feel dead inside and they think the hyper creative person is the real me, not just half of me. I've always taken full responsibility for my actions and I'd rather not have this diagnosis. It feels like if I don't talk about it, I'll be isolated without a support system, but if I do, people will think I'm blaming my depression on a disease I can't control. But I'm doing my very best to get it under control with meds and therapy now that I know what's going on somewhat. 29, F
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