BT~

You have begun to walk your own path, which is fantastic.
Your first step, which was the most difficult, was removing yourself out of your parents home. Despite the manner of occurrance, the first step is always the hardest, and you have succeeded that.
Offer yourself the acknowledgement that you have begun your own journey and continue to focus on your own path and refrain from other's interference.

Try and not concern yourself of what other's may/may not be thinking. If you allow yourself the distraction of the opinions of others to cloud your direction, then you are sure to yeild to your own destination.

Stop concerning yourself over the fact if you are doing everyone else right.
The song by Ricky Nelson, "Garden Party", states it all..."you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself". If you remain true to your own self, the only person you have to answer to is yourself.

Your statement:
Do you see what I mean? I need to know what money I am spending and what money is still mine. If I am paying board, not only do I not know what money is mine, but I am certain that I will not be paying my way.
It would seem to me that you should already know what money you have and how it is being budgeted. How can you not? It is YOUR money. This confuses me.
If you are expected to pay board....doesn't that cover those very expenses, which are the bills, etc., that you state you are 'planning to pay', anyway? Therefore, you know what that money is spent for? I fail to see the issue with that. Regardless if it is approved by your mom, or not...it is something YOU have intended, anyway.

You stated:
However, knowing my grandparents as I do, I am sure that they will keep the money for me and hand it back to me later.
Umm....isn't this exactly what your parents had done for you, as well? I'm compelled to ask....What is the difference?

I am therefore determined to pay some bills, buy the milk and bread, etc, to make sure I pay my way.
You are therefore determined?...."because" you antisipate the return of the very same money that you not only feel you somehow have no control of keeping track of?, but also, what you state you intend to utilize for what you 'should be' spending it for in the first place....!?!


I certainly do not want to sound discrediting to your plight, and don't mean to, as I am one to support and encourage. But, BT, you seem to be caught in a mode of self-sabotage here, (and, boy do I know those signals...as I do that to myself, as well).

I don't mean to sound harsh, but....To hell with what your mother or father have to say about your PRESENT living arrangements....that is between you and your g-parents now. (However, I must include that I hope that at some point you and your parents can make restitution for past occurrances).

Because of the fact that your mom 'seems' to be aware of what it is your g-parents are expecitng from you, (and apparently has no problem delivering to you herself, therefore seeminly feels she still has some control in this matter), remove her self-appointed sense of control entirely by approaching your g-parents and discuss with them directly what it is that they do, in fact, expect from you living there.

Take charge of you own situation, instead of living as though others are controlling you. Unless, this is how you intend for it to be in order to remove yourself from any responsibility of failure should this not succeed? (I am familiar to that tactic of self-sabotage, myself...remember...I, too, at times fall into that mode).

It all boils down to what YOU intend to do with YOUR own life. At the same time, if you continue to place others to be responsible for you, then you do not have any right to cast blame upon them for delivering you results that you find unfavorable...After all, you have surrendered your control of your life to another....Be willing to accept their choices as your own.

Take care.

Shangrala