Crap, we just identified 2 manic (not hypomanic, but actual manic) episodes in my past during therapy today. One was drug induced by Paxil and the other was not on any drugs. So now I'm bipolar I. This s&%t is scary. I hate feeling out of control! The impulsive stuff is so unlike me because I'm so cautious, introverted, and rational most of the time, but the first episode was at 20 and the second at 23 and I might have just been through one last winter...who knows how many I've gone through without seeing them as such.

And now I have to go and face my family who totally doesn't get me for a week and Effexor's making me agitated and shaky. I can hardly type. I just hope I can make it through the plane rides, although their problems are worse than mine if that were possible.